I Have Been to The Edge

I have been to the edge. I have stood on tippy toes looking over the edge on a very windy, winters day. I was not standing on the tips of my toes because I wanted a better view, nor was I dancing. I was precariously wobbling, being pulled by some seemingly invisible force towards a crevasse called deep sadness.

Have you ever felt heart heavy? That your soul was sagging? You literally can’t take a deep breath, your chest feels like it has tight bands of concrete around it. Tears pool under the mask you wear, trickling uninvited at frequent and unexpected moments. Sleep is a longed for luxury. You don’t feel love or joy and you don’t feel hate or dismay. You feel nothing. You have no motivation, and every day feels like you are dragging a personal storm around by a chain. 

I never thought I would be on the edge of a breakdown. Breakdowns happen to other people, not someone ‘normal’ and strong like me.

Because I have teetered on the edge and also had the privilege to hear the stories of the many brave ones who have survived total breakdown, I am a believer that there is no place too dark that we cannot be restored from. As for me, I never ever want to go stand on the edge again.

Have you ever wanted to have the strength to gather the pieces of your life, understand the many layers of who you are, to honour and give voice to the chaos within? To move through difficult times instead of staying stuck?

There is help and support to discover. There is hope to be carried by. And there is strength within every single one of us. This week I’ve released a first step workshop to help tired, sad, worry-carrying edge-standing women. It’s a mini retreat, a 3 hour slot to be supported, explore self through art processes and receive courage for whatever lies ahead. It’s called Butterfly Heart.

More details can be found on Facebook here or sign up for our VIP newsletter which will allow you to become connected with all Kaleidoscope Art Therapy programs and news. Please don’t delay in your self care, self care is a necessity (especially for women as we wear many hats), self care is not a luxury.

Please do not hesitate to seek support if you feel you are unsafe.  Lifeline is an excellent place to seek help or in an emergency call 000.

Rochelle Melville

Rochelle Melville is an art therapist and intentional creative. Rochelle works from Pathways to Expression in Bald Hills facilitating individual and group sessions and is available to facilitate workshops in the community.