When Mother's Day Hurts

Watching Mother’s Day approach can hurt at the deepest levels. Many women experience grief,  and pain in relation to their mother.  Though it is not often spoken about, the disconnected hearts of mothers and daughters is widespread. The silence of daughters is often held due to shame, not meeting your mother’s unobtainable perfectionistic standards, the lack of nurture or narcissistic mothering (to touch on a few examples).

Our mothers were pivotal influencers in our childhood development and they helped form the foundations of our emotional and psychological growth. To this day their shadow stretches long into our lives and hearts.

If the thought of Mother’s Day fills you with dread, anger, foreboding or deep sadness due to the mother wound, I would encourage you to take time to love yourself on Mother’s Day. Loving yourself, aka being kind to oneself is an invitation only you can extend to yourself.

  1.  Do a perimeter check. Explore: Are my boundaries carefully in place so I can feel safe today? (Remember that no and yes are both important words).
  2. Explore your expectations of the day/around your mother in general: What do I need to embrace? Is there anything I can extend forgiveness for? What do I need to let go of? What expectations do I have about my mother which cause me pain? (For instance, “my mother should always be emotionally available.”)
  3. What resources can I intentionally use today? What are my inner resources? (try some unedited journaling time if you’re unsure) What are the resources I can access around me?
  4. Grieve if you need to. To acknowledge and hold a space for every emotion within allows authentic living. Giving voice to our emotions allows us to release and process them and allows space for other emotions such as peace, contentment and joy to flourish.
  5. Spend some time doing something that you love to do, that will nurture you and show self care.

Know that you are not alone, there is an abundant universe that holds you, nature, seasons, a Higher Power and generous people to sojourn with you.

Rochelle Melville

Rochelle Melville is an art therapist and intentional creative. Rochelle works from Pathways to Expression in Bald Hills facilitating individual and group sessions and is available to facilitate workshops in the community.